How to Play

Oh hello there, Johnny! Come to learn some more golf, I see! Well here, you will learn the basics of playing golf! Of course I won't be able to produce the results that you would get from professional lessons, I'll do the best I can with you, Johnny! Are you up for it, Johnny? Yes? Well, then, let's proceed with another hypothetical game of golf, but with a couple more holes!

A driver!

Well, Johnny, does this place look familiar? I'll bet it does, Johnny, because we've already played some hypothetical golf here! But that time, we were hypothesizing that you knew how to play when you didn't! Now you'll learn! Get up on the tee box and get set while we wait for the group ahead of us to walk out of range! What's that? You don't know how to set up? Well, of course! Silly me! Because we're hypothesizing that you've already stretched and warmed up, we'll skip that. Now, grab one of those long tees and two balls! Actually get another long tee and a few short tees while you're at it, old lad! Now, put one ball in your left pocket and one long and the two short tees in your other pocket. Now grab either a coin or one of those ball markersand put it in your pocket as well, and it really doesn't matter where, as long as it feels comfortable! Now, get a glove and put it on (righty gloves go on left hands) and pull out that big club, which is the driver. Now as you've got a ball and tee in your hand, stick the tee in the ground with the ball on top of it. The best height for the ball is half showing over the driver head. Whoa, Johnny, don't put it there! That's where the ladies hit! Because we're hypothesizing also that you are an amateur (why else would you read this?), put it within two club lengths behind and no further than the amateur tee box markers. There you go, Johnny! Now put your driver head beside the ball, position your left foot so that the inside of it is in line with the ball and balance yourself. Now swing back slowly, and then unwind your body, making sure to hit the ball. Then, just follow through! Now take a swing, Johnny! Whoa! Look at that go! Excellent shot, Johnny! You've mastered the driver! Let's go!

Hmm. It seems we have a problem here, Johnny. The ball landed in a bunker! Oh well! It's actually only right beside the green, so get out your sand wedge (the one with "SW" on it) and get down there! Now, Johnny, instead of holding the wedge properly, increase the loft by turning the club. It should face, instead of perpendicularly to you, thirty to forty five degrees away. Now stand with the club facing a little to the right of the target. Be careful not to touch the sand with the club at all! Now, hit an inch or two behind the ball and scoop it up. There you go! Super Sand Skillz!

Now, Johnny, we are going to use the putter! Now take your glove off and put it in your back pocket to look like a pro! No one wears their glove when they're putting! Now, Johnny, get your putter and get out your ball marker. There's no need to repair a divot at this moment; A close bunker shot doesn't make divots. Now place the marker directly behind the ball in line with the pin. Pick up your ball and walk around a bit, go close to the ground to understand the lie, the slopes and things. I'll tend the flag for you. Okay, now as you might have seen, the ball will curve right because the green slopes right, so hit it a bit left. Oh wow! You are really getting the hang of golf! Right in on the first shot! How great! On to the second hole we go!

Now look, Johnny, this one is a rather short par three. There usually aren't two par threes beside each other, but this is just a hypothetical game, so it really doesn't matter! Now, as this one is only one hundred and fifty yards, get a long iron or a hybrid out! I see you've chosen a six. That's not a bad choice. It all really depends on the golfer. Okay! You may notice some wind from the right, so just hit a little to the right. Ooh, it was just a little right of the green. Now's a great time to learn how to chip! Come on!

Okay, so the ball's on the fringe and only about ten yards away. You can easily put one of these just like a regular putt, except with maybe another yard's distance. However, Johnny, we will place a few more balls around here to waste less time. Now hit that one about 11 yards. Very good! Now, hit this ball over here. See, it's about 20 yards away and in some rougher grass. Now you can learn to chip! Merely place the ball in front of your right foot and angle the shaft down to the left knee, with the head on the right side of the ball, so the loft is quite low. You sweep so the same impact is made even if the ball is a little more back or forwards, laddie. Lower number clubs give more distance. Now, Johnny, I'd say this is about pitching distance. Now take that club with the "P" on it and chip away! That was great! Easy putt setup! You should also try these balls over here which require different clubs. When you're done and think you're good, come over to the next hole!

Okay, Johnny, just hit away with your pro driver skillz and let's go! This is a 500 yard par five by the way, so long and straight is the key! Very nice! It didn't quite get to 200 though, so i think a par for this hole is unlikely, but we'll have to see!

Okay, then! Now get your lowest hybrid out! Hmm... a 3? Okay, then! Have a whack at it! Very nice! Oh no! it's taken a bit of a nasty slice and landed in the rough! Oh well! Let us proceed!

Well aren't we fortunate! There is a large gap in the trees pointing right at the green. All we need is a good shot and we're free! Okay, Johnny, get a low club out, but nothing higher than a six. We're going for a six now, but you've got to make your own club limits later. Now, Johnny, do you remember that chipping we practiced? Well of all places, it's going to come in handy here! How? Well we're basically going to make the exact same shot except with a longer club! Now exactly like before, place your right foot directly behind the ball and angle your club downwards but not too low this time. You must also dig under the ball instead of sweeping around it to get distance. Those are the only two differences, Johnny, so you can feel comfortable making this shot! And there it goes! Wow, Johnny! You're getting good!

Wedges!

So here we are back on the fairway! The hole's only about fifty yards away, so get a wedge out! Whatever you feel comfortable with is okay, but remember to visit the driving range often to get an idea of your clubs' (especially your wedges') distances. Try some half swings and target practice. Also, try hitting every tens value from 20 to 100 inclusive with your wedges (ex. 20, 30, 40...etc.) . It can be very useful, gaining knowledge of what club and what kind of swing you have to use. So anyway, pick a club, Johnny, and fifty yard chip away! A sand wedge? Good choice, Johnny! I think a half swing would suffice! Remember: in short shots (wedges and short irons), accuracy is very important! To have more accurate shots, dig more under the ball right after impact and nowhere before. Lots of grass should come flying out and there should be a long and roughly rectangular mark at the right side of which your ball used to be. Of course, you should repair it by taking the grass you dug out and placing it back. Now try that Johnny! There you go! Watch that ball go and the grass fly! You'll be a pro in no time, Johnny! I think you should try out for the CPGA some time soon! You'll get in for sure with those wicked swings of yours!

Now, Johnny, I rather think that we're done! Now, Johnny, because you're so good at golf, would you fancy managing your own golf course? Well if you ever want to, check out the next page, "Managing Your Own Golf Course!" I strongly recommend it partially because it's of my own making, but also because it's chock full of good and true information! Well good bye for now, Johnny and good luck for your future career in golf! I wish you the best!

©2009 Dan Gym