Due to your peaceful joining of our empire, The Council of the Eye has agreed to allow your species to adopt our culture.
The first change that must be made is to remove all of your current religions. Your worship of false gods, and your belief in strange concepts of the mind and body hinder you. Your ideas of morality are what makes your race inferior. In order to advance beyond your primitive technology, you must embrace all which grants you power.
You may have asked yourself "What is that symbol?". That is a good question. This symbol represents the most holy constellation. It was within this collection of stars that the great Murdakhash hunted and defeated a group of violent separatists, effectively saving the empire. Unlike in your cultures, our symbols hold some actual meaning.
Your species seems to have many differing beliefs about enlightenment. Every one of them is false. Enlightenment is achieved in a different way for every being. While one may find truth in a chair, another might travel the universe, yet never find enlightenment. Forsake all of your ideals, and live without hindrance.
The following practices must be performed every day:
- You must spill exactly 4ga (1.3749450967ml) of blood onto your bed every morning upon waking.
- You must scream at anyone who is wearing the colour yellow, and they must point at you in return.
- You must kill at least one person per year.
- Every third day must be celebrated by throwing a feline animal at a wall.
This set of codes and beliefs is known as The Way. Failure to comply will result in termination (we will be watching you)